Queer Bookworm

fandom. social justice. explosions. general badassery. JESSICA. *puts on cool girl sunglasses* *air force jet flies by overhead*


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Posts tagged "fanfiction"

eisenbergandelephants:

  • the prostate gland is next too the anal cavity. It is not inside of the anal cavity. Thus when you are thrusting, you cannot directly hit it every time like in whatever ‘we’ve never had sex before but we are both amazing at it’ fic you are reading and/or writing. Penetrative anal sex indirectly stimulates the prostate. The only way you directly simulate it is with fingers and/or tongue, not with a dick or a toy.
  • I have included a helpful graphic.
  • image
  • thanks to wikipedia for the original image
  • thank you for your time.

(via manjolras)

deliveringidiots:

OKAY, ONE MORE TIME, PEOPLE, SAY IT WITH ME:

The prostate is not a “bundle of nerves.” It is a gland. Continuous stimulation of it can cause nice lovely pleasurable feelings for some men. Just touching it once will not generally cause lovely instant pleasurable feelings the same way a clitoris (usually) does.

There are some nerve endings of course, but there are nerve endings all over the shop back there, and that’s not really what specifically makes prostate stimulation funtimes. Calling it a “bundle of nerves” is really, actually, not at all an accurate description.

(via spodiddly)

maiavalentine:

so in a lot of modern AUs, it seems to be a bit of a common trope in e/R fic that Grantaire stops drinking for Enjolras and even though he goes through withdrawals and becomes snappy or something, he ultimately prevails and Enjolras is happy and their friends are relieved and everything’s great.

and while I understand the appeal of that trope, it’s horribly unrealistic, and it definitely demonstrates to me that a lot of these writers either don’t know alcoholics or just don’t realize exactly what kind of disease alcoholism is.

Read More

(via manjolras)

waldorph:

First: welcome! Or for some of you, welcome back (hahaha, god why are we like this?).

So, Trek canon. It’s expansive and extensive and there’s the original series (TOS) and the movies and then the subsequent series and then the reboot (AOS) timestream and that’s a lot of shit to manage and a lot of history to navigate. The good news is: you are totally fine ignoring ALLLLLLLL of that other shit and just writing whatever the fuck you want to write. But, if you’re like me, you’re insane, and having been through this already, I thought I would offer you my handy link round-up!

Things Waldorph Finds Useful When Writing a Bazillion Trekfics:

  • Warp Drive Calculator. I know it always seems like people are whizzing around, going from Earth to Vulcan in seconds, but this gives you a sense of how long things will actually take. The movies do a lot of hand-waving with this, but it’s good to know. This one has a “Classic” option. Granted, the appearance of Nero probably accelerated tech quite a bit, and Spock!prime certainly did, so you have a lot of wiggle-room here (especially given that it should have taken the Enterprise almost 2 weeks to get to Vulcan, and I’m pretty sure they were there in 6 hours, tops). This chart is also super-handy. 
  • Star Trek Distances tells you how far away things are from Earth so that you can use the Warp Drive Calculator more easily without digging through memory-alpha.
  • Memory-alpha. This is the canon wiki for Trek, and excludes all of the novelizations and add-ons. This is your home base, it has everything you could possibly want as well as external links.
  • Memory-beta. This includes all of the novelizations, and sometimes gives you interesting facts like in TOS Winona Kirk gave birth to Jim Kirk after tripping over a pig. It also includes more of the behind-the-scenes facts and data from cut scenes and cast/crew interviews
  • Stardates. The Trek universe measures time in stardates, which is nicely non-Earth specific until you realize the calculations are all based on Earth. Anyway, trekguide has both the mathematical breakdown and a calculator. They also explain how the AOS verse calculates stardates the same way the TOS verse did, so you can use their calculator without worrying you’re cocking something up (that might just be me, though).   
  • micathemineral’s astrophysics guide for trekwriters - easy to understand but super-helpful.
  • trekguide has all of the episodes of all of the series, and lists the races involved, the stardate, ships, and some character-notes. Actually extremely handy if you’re AU’ing a TOS episode. 
  • But, waldorph! Where are all the ladies? No fear! The LJ comm where-no-woman  laid out all of the women we see in STXI (and will hopefully be doing the same for this movie). 

So yay! You’ve gotten all your resources and your inner-geek is satisfied and you’ve written your fic. Now what? Well, that depends on where you’re posting to. Those of you who post to tumblr, you can ignore this bit! I’m also not going to list EVERY comm here - these are the biggies and they all have links in their user-info to their affiliates. I write Kirk/Spock so I’m giving you the two I use :)

LJ Comms To Post Your Fic To (you can find dreamwidth counterparts for most of these, I just happen to use LJ comms): 

  • where-no-woman is an LJ comm and the place for all your lady-centric fic. It can be gen, het, femmeslash, but the main character has to be female-identified and, as of right now, it can’t be a genderfuck (so Jane Kirk fics need not apply). 
  • kirkspock is an LJ comm for that pairing. note: these guys are super-serious about tagging
  • kirk-mccoy is a LJ comm for kirk/mccoy (I know, I’m rocking your worlds with these explanations). It
  • trek-het (and it’s dreamwidth mirror) is for all your het needs.
  • st_reboot is a LJ comm that collects both fic and art, regardless of pairing.

Okay, you don’t want to write, but you do want to read. Or you read a fic ages ago and you’re not sure where it went. 

How To Find the Fic You Want to Read:

  • st_ficfinder comm on LJ. Read it, want to read it - these guys are AMAZING at finding the fic you mean from really super-vague details. 
  • star trek (2009) tag (or the Star Trek Alternate Original Series tag) on the AO3 lets you sort by popularity of a fic, pairing, date posted, all that jazz, and is probably the most centralized place to find fics, though when STXI came out not everyone had an AO3 account so there’s a lot of inconsistency about what’s posted where, but that’s life in fandom, so you’re not allowed to complain, okay? 
  • the ksarchive is an old-school kirk/spock archive. You’ll find some AOS but a lot of TOS fic here, and it’s pretty cool. 
  • Any of the comms listed above are great places to find fic and/or recs
  • crack-enterprise - recs recs recs! 

I hope this helps! I’ll probably reblog myself when we get closer to release date, and if you have any questions at all drop me an ask or find me on twitter @waldorph. I also have all the resource links rounded up at my pinboard here, so you can bookmark that if it’s more convenient. So. Go forth, read, write, enjoy, and welcome to the fandom!

(via spodiddly)

bemusedlybespectacled:

mrsvc:

rrrowr:

mrsvc:

thesocialhermit:

reelaroundthefountain:

as in

portraits of old presidents constantly talk to / advise / argue with the current one

and it’s a mess

a beautiful beautiful mess

#pro: there would be no ‘what would the Founding Fathers think’ bullshit #because we would have no illusions #because you’d be touring the white house and TJ would yell something racist and you’d be like ‘oh’ #con: no one would get any work done ever #can you even imagine Obama trying to repeal DADT with Nixon in the room #or GWB for that matter #or GWB trying to do anything with FDR three feet away #it would be amazing #Adams and Jefferson would be fighting constantly too #fanfiction NOW

i am SWOONING over this idea.

i would draw some of it if you wrote little bits.

LOL OMG AND JAMES BUCHANAN WOULD BE LIKE, “FUCK ALL YOU GUYS, WILLIAM AND I WERE FUCKING HAPPY.” And Abraham Lincoln would never, ever be in his Portrait because, fuck, he hates all these people, he was just trying to see a PLAY and no one will ever tell him how it ended. And Teddy Roosevelt would be like, “Show me that Night in the Museum movie again. Those bastards.”

Once a month, Garfield, McKinley, JFK, and Lincoln hold a special meeting for the Assassinated Club. It’s twice as popular as Clinton and Andrew Johnson’s Impeachment Club because, who wants to hang out with those guys? (“I HAD A MOTHERFUCKING RIGHT TO FIRE HIM,” Johnson screams while Clinton nods seriously and rubs his shoulder gently. “WHO THOUGHT UP THIS TENURE OF OFFICE BULLSHIT?” Grant just smokes a cigar and laughs his ass off from his frame.)

Jak, your history buffness is showing. Should totally throw this at Sin at the nearest opportunity.

I was just talking about how Rutherford B Hayes would be the President with the stash of booze in his frame. “Lemonade Lucy ain’t around now, y’all.” And, like, all the stuffy old Federalists would throw their cares to the wind and be, like, doing the Funky Chicken in his frame all the time. 

Millard Fillmore would be that girl from Mean Girls where he just wants everyone to get along and bake cakes and eventually, Jimmy Carter would be like, “HE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE.” And they’d have a debate over whether he actually counts as a President if no one remembers him. 

There would be dick measuring contests. Andrew Johnson would be like, “Alaska, bitches” and Lincoln would be like, “I was dead and even I know Seward was behind that.” And Jefferson would stop flirting yelling with Adams long enough to be like, “THE LOUISIANA PURCHASE, MOTHER FUCKERSSSSS.”

Franklin Pierce sits in the corner and cries. Zachary Taylor tells him to stop being a baby. Franklin Pierce reminds Zachary Taylor that he was hated for most of his life and he’s not going to take any shit from a guy who was killed by milk and fucking cherries.

bemusedlybespectacled:

SO one of my friends had this fantastic idea

which is finding fics for people

like say you want a Snape/Hermione fic that isn’t squicky with the age difference well GUESS WHAT WE CAN FIND IT

and if not WE CAN WRITE IT

so ya’ll should follow us because it’s gonna be awesome

and spread it like wildfire

lokis-army-at-221b:

erectionsandtea:

sherlocked-inside-the-tardis:

asabutterfieldz:

AU: In which Hamish is beaten up at school because of his parents sexuality.

Hamish dragged himself back from school, his muscles aching from the beating he had taken. The beatings were nothing new, but this one had been particularly bad. He winced as he walked up the steps and unlocked the door, letting himself in. Mrs. Hudson was out doing the shopping, so he was able to go upstairs without her fussing.

However, getting past his fathers was another story altogether. He hadn’t made it an inch past the door when—

“Jesus, what the hell happened to you?” John cried out, pulling his son in through the door and sitting him down. “Who did this?”

“Dad, it’s nothing, really—”

But John was having none of it. He called Sherlock, who came out of his “laboratory” looking quite cross.

“John, I’m in the middle of—” He stopped, taking in his son’s swollen face, the bruising around the eye, the bleeding lip, the scrapes along the jaw and the wrists. “Who—”

“I was just asking him.”

“And I was saying that it was nothing,” Hamish said forcefully, moving to get up, but John wouldn’t let him. “Dad, really. It’s nothing that I can’t handle. Can I please go now?”

John shook his head and sat down in front of his son. “No, you’re not leaving until you tell us who did this to you.”

Hamish merely averted his eyes and wiped the blood that had been trickling out of his nose with the sleeve of his jumper. All he wanted at that moment was a hot shower.

Sherlock walked forward until he was standing right in front of Hamish, his eyes sparking with ill restrained anger. “Who was it? Was it Ben Hawkins? Ted Whishaw?”

Hamish didn’t answer for a second, staring down at Sherlock’s shoes, taking in the acid stains at the tips. “They said…it was because my parents are gay,” he said softly, hoping that they hadn’t heard. It was the last thing he wanted them to hear. That they were the cause of his weekly beatings.

When he looked up, he knew that they had. Both men exchanged weary glances. John looked as if he had had the air had been knocked out of him. Sherlock stooped so that his face was level with that of his son, but he didn’t have anything to say. He didn’t know what to say.

John broke the silence after a minute.

“I’m sorry.”

“No…no don’t. It’s not your fault,” Hamish said after a moment, looking them both in the eye. “It never was. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s better than…” but here he stopped. He never liked talking about the foster home. The memories he had of the place weren’t the most pleasant of things to look back on. He let out a small laugh. “Do you know what they said? They said that I was a garbage child. I was thrown out and only fags would want to keep me.”

John flinched slightly at the word, but Sherlock remained stoic.

“I told them that at least my parents wanted me. You two chose me because you wanted me. No one forced you to get me. No one kept you from giving me back or getting rid of me. None of the other kids get that. I told him at least I didn’t have to worry about my dad shagging the secretary from work, which got to Ben. His dad’s been cheating, it’s so obvious. I could see it plain as day when he came to pick Ben up last week. His shirt sleeves were rumpled, which isn’t necessary for

John’s mouth quirked upward slightly at the way his tone quickened as he gave a detailed deconstruction of the wrinkles of Mr. Hawkins’ shirtsleeves.

Hamish shook his head. He wasn’t going to waste time talking about Ben Hawkins or his dad.

“I’m not an obligation, like he is,” Hamish said, picking at his torn jeans. “I was a choice. And you were mine.”

#it’s my headcanon that they got hamish from a foster home when he was about ten #sherlock was against it and didn’t like hamish at first #but hamish took to listening to his dad rage about cases #and sherlock caught him at it but instead of telling him off #he told him how to listen in without being caught #and so hamish learned to observe from observing sherlock

reblogging because you’re perfect and this is perfect and yes.

(via bemusedlybespectacled)

spodiddly:

aldora89:

deathbygorgeous-golden-captain:

TOS Kirk especially should sound quite different from Reboot Kirk


Yes yes YES YES
I read somewhere that Kirk’s voice is the only one that stays the same from TOS to Reboot, and no. Just no. Bones’ voice changes the least, I think, but Jim’s voice changes the most. Damn people who think TOS Jim was the brawny-womanizing-jetsetter that nu!Jim was written to be (and I hope XII fixes that anyway).

CHRIST, just hearing that shit secondhand made me viscerally angry!  Who the hell… what kind of pancake-headed wifflesnort could claim that with a straight face?  (Yes, I had to invent a new insult to express the depths of my rage.  Screaming a chant to awaken Cthulu would be better, but I don’t speak R’lyehian.)

And I totally agree with you.  Bones stays almost the same (probably because his life is the same, as far as we know), Spock changes quite a bit (he’s much more strung out/overtly angsty and emotional in Reboot for some unknown reason), and Jim changes A LOT.  Like, he’s barely the same person for a significant portion of the movie.  

Besides, their POVs should have distinctly different “flavors,” if for no other reason than the source material stems from disparate eras in history, and the grammar/syntax/diction of the dialogue reflects this.  So for accuracy’s sake, sometimes TOS!Kirk has to sound a little old-fashioned.  It would be downright friggin’ strange if he said things like “that’s so weird,” “are you nuts” or “you guys.”

You know what REALLY gets confusing? Reading a fic where Kirk uses strong language like “shit” and “fuck” and finding out it’s a TOS fic. From the 1980’s

“Hey.” “…It’s almost midnight, Stiles.” “Yeah, well, you can get your beauty sleep later, wolf boy. We have a problem.” “This better be good.” “‘Good’ isn’t really the word I’d use.” “…” “…” “…Hello? Stiles? Wait, is something actually going on?” “About half an hour ago I got a text from Scott telling me to meet him at the school. Now, because I’m not stupid and I learned my lesson last year when the same freaking thing happened to Allison, I assumed this was a trap.” “Okay…” “So I was all set to reply with a slightly more respectful version of ‘Fuck you, no,’ when I got another text. It was a photo.” “A photo of what?” “…” “Stiles. Photo of what.” “Scott.” “They have him.” “Yeah.” “Shit.” “My thoughts exactly.” “Okay. You stay at home, see if they contact you again. I’ll go to the school.” “Yeah, about that. I’m already - I’m kind of already at the school.” “…What?” “I have his backpack. It was, um, in the hallway. There’s blood, and…” “Get out of there before they find you. Understand me? Out. Right now, Stiles. What the hell were you - “ “Derek.” “Shut up. I’m on my way, just try not to get killed in the next ten minutes, you fucking idiot.” “Derek.” “What.” “The backpack had a note on it.” “…” “…” “Don’t do it. Whatever it said to do, don’t do it.” “That’s - I really wish that were an option.” “I will be there in five minutes.” “You really shouldn’t break traffic laws, you already have a record.” “Don’t do it. Just don’t do it.” “You don’t even know what it says.” “I have an idea.” “I’m sorry. I - yeah. I’m sorry.” “Dammit, Stiles, just stay where you are and - “ [click]
“Hey.” 
“…It’s almost midnight, Stiles.”
“Yeah, well, you can get your beauty sleep later, wolf boy. We have a problem.”
“This better be good.”
“‘Good’ isn’t really the word I’d use.”
“…”
“…”
“…Hello? Stiles? Wait, is something actually going on?”
“About half an hour ago I got a text from Scott telling me to meet him at the school. Now, because I’m not stupid and I learned my lesson last year when the same freaking thing happened to Allison, I assumed this was a trap.”
“Okay…”
“So I was all set to reply with a slightly more respectful version of ‘Fuck you, no,’ when I got another text. It was a photo.”
“A photo of what?”
“…”
“Stiles. Photo of what.”
“Scott.”
“They have him.”
“Yeah.”
“Shit.”
“My thoughts exactly.”
“Okay. You stay at home, see if they contact you again. I’ll go to the school.”
“Yeah, about that. I’m already - I’m kind of already at the school.”
“…What?”
“I have his backpack. It was, um, in the hallway. There’s blood, and…”
“Get out of there before they find you. Understand me? Out. Right now, Stiles. What the hell were you - “
“Derek.”
“Shut up. I’m on my way, just try not to get killed in the next ten minutes, you fucking idiot.”
“Derek.”
“What.”
“The backpack had a note on it.”
“…”
“…”
“Don’t do it. Whatever it said to do, don’t do it.”
“That’s - I really wish that were an option.”
“I will be there in five minutes.”
“You really shouldn’t break traffic laws, you already have a record.”
“Don’t do it. Just don’t do it.”
“You don’t even know what it says.”
“I have an idea.”
“I’m sorry. I - yeah. I’m sorry.”
“Dammit, Stiles, just stay where you are and - “
[click]

(via bemusedlybespectacled)

bemusedlybespectacled:

scifigrl47:

((The links to the first three parts of this can be found here:  http://scifigrl47.tumblr.com/fic  ))

It was close to midnight when they finally stumbled home.

Stumbling was probably the right word for it, Thor was pretty much carrying Bruce and Steve was trying to be subtle about the grip he had on the back of Tony’s black underarmor shirt. Clint was accustomed to using Natasha to prop himself up, but tonight, she was leaning heavily against his side, her head down, her shoulders hunched beneath his arm.

“This is great,” Tony said, and his voice was slurred at the edges, a little drunk or a little head injury, it was hard to say with Tony sometimes. He didn’t seem to understand why his feet weren’t moving towards his workshop, no matter how hard he tried. “I can reverse engineer this, it’ll be great, I think I can figure out the command module if I have a couple of hours to break through the coding and-”

Steve gave up on pretense and snagged Tony’s shoulders in both his hands. “Okay,” he said, his voice holding a note that made it clear that he was humoring Tony’s delusions. “Tony, you need to sleep now. Right now, you need to sleep.” The words were very careful, very precise, and Clint wasn’t sure if that was for his own benefit, or Tony’s. “We’re going to go to bed.” He stopped, shook his head. “We are going to our beds. You are going to bed. And so am I.” His cheeks were flushed, and Clint started to laugh.

Tony nodded. “Yeah, sure, no problem, I should be able to get what I need done if I can just-”

“Go to bed, Stark,” Natasha said, not bothering to lift her head from Clint’s shoulder. She was gripping the front of his uniform vest with one determined hand, and Clint wrapped his arm more securely around her back.

Read More

Oh, Clint. Clint sweetie. Honey, it’s OK. *all the cuddles*

bemusedlybespectacled:

madlibbsneedsaverb:

deductionwiththedoctor:

twilightstargazer:

scribble-scratch:

ranthedictator:

onshiftingsand:

ranthedictator:

alaskan-dreams:

jackiecello23:

meeya87:

outofthecavern:

yourfacesirihateit:

well-fly-ofcourse:

yourfacesirihateit:

luna-magia:

vennyvanilla:

zodiac-ler:

Lol myspace…

Hello Google..

let me lick your face. 

I might do tumblr if someone will be my 4chan…

I kinda ship Google and Yahoo

“Yahoo.” An all-too familiar voice stopped at her desk. Yahoo looked up nervously.

“Oh. Hi, Google,” she said, fixing her pencil skirt as neatly as she could sitting down.

“I was wondering if I could sit here?” His voice was sultry, barely above a whisper in the almost deserted library.

“Yeah, su-sure,” she stumbled, closing her eyes momentarily to regain her confidence. “What are you working on?”

“Nothing majour,” Google said, relaxing in the seat next to her. “I’ve had to practically do so many people’s assignments for them because they’re too lazy to do it themselves.” He smiled slightly, trying to warm up the timid girl in front of him. He sat up straighter. “What are you working on?”

“I just needed a break. People kept asking me questions, and I got so tired of it, I came in here to get my mind off of everything.”

“Maybe I can help you?” Google slid his hand up her skirt smoothly, rubbing his thumb against her thigh. She gasped quietly, but did nothing to stop him.

“I—I’d be okay with that.”

DEAD

I SHIP IT SO HARD

HAS NO ONE NOTICED 4CHAN IS BASICALLY SLENDER?

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE DON’T MAKE ME START SHIPPING THIS TOO!

Only on tumblr can you ship search engines…

This is just amazing. xD And look at Bing! I could sympathize…being short and all…but he just is trying too hard to compete with Google. Calm down, sport.

“So how was the library, hun?” deviantArt’s voice startled Yahoo, breaking her reverie. 

“Oh, uh, it was… Nice. Very nice. Just nice.” Yahoo stumbled over her words, knowing her friend would never leave her alone if she found out Google had talked to her. THE Google.

DevA’s eyes narrowed, stabbing the point of her pencil in Yahoo’s direction. “What’s your deal?” 

“W-what? Nothing!” Yahoo tried to swat the pencil away but the pixie-esque girl simply intensified her gaze.

“… Did someone troll you again today? Do I need to photoshop them with elephantiasis in some unpleasant areas?”  

“What?! No, not again! It was nothing like that.” 

DevA relaxed a bit, stretching in the office chair across from Yahoo. “Then what is it? Spit it out, girlie.” 

Yahoo was about to insist again that it was nothing, when a whirlwind of energy bounded up behind her and leaned over DevA’s shoulder. 

“Yahoo is just suffering a serious case of the UNFs. Google was totally hitting on her yesterday!” Tumblr smiled mischievously by DevA’s ear. 

“What?! Girl, why didn’t you tell me? Are you serious?” DevA screeched, her eyes widening in disbelief.

“Oh, I’m serious. I’m totally shipping it. The entire situation was oozing sexual tension, I can’t even.” Tumblr squealed.

“T-Tumblr! Don’t say things like that! With my luck, Twitter will hear and it’ll be trending by tonight and what would I say to Google if I saw him again and ohmygod what if you’ve already said something to him please oh goodness tell me you’ve not said anything to him andandand-” Yahoo gasped for breath, her head light with the possibility of her long-time crush hearing such nonsense from the hyperactive coworker. 

“What’s so wrong with Tumblr talking to me?” A sultry voice whispered across Yahoo’s ear, and by the almost-fainting look DevA was sending her and the evil glint in Tumblr’s eyes, Yahoo knew her life was over. Yep. It was just over.

“Well, uhm, it’s not that it’s wrong for Tumblr to talk to you,” Yahoo stammered guiltily as she turned to look into Google’s wise, blue eyes, “it’s just that, I-uh, am-uh working on a new project and uhm the uh, you knows don’t want me to uh speak of it…”

“Project? There’s no project. Yahoo was just telling me allllll about -” Tumblr was rudely interrupted by a slender hand across her mouth.

“Tumblr and I need to go talk about some Sterek art that has been circulating around between the two of us,” DevA declared a little too loudly for Tumblr’s comfort. 

“Mmmmpph, mm, mumph,” Tumblr mumbled, flailing her arms around trying to bat Deviant away from her.

Yahoo’s shoulders tensed slightly as Google sat down across from her. He gently fixed his colorful tie with long, thin fingers. The nervous girl had just begun to relax when suddenly a beanie-d young male came out of nowhere toting a camera.

“Hey, guys, would you mind giving me a few frames so I can show the world all about the newly forming relationship between Google and Yahoo?” YouTube asked pointing the camera directly at Yahoo’s blushing cheeks.

“W-WHAT?! No, we, that’s not, you shouldn’t, YouTube!” Yahoo flailed, her glasses nearly falling off her nose in her flustered state.

The petite form of Facebook trailed up behind YouTube, draping her arms over the teen’s shoulders. “Oh, come off it, Yahoo. It’s not Facebook official anyway. Don’t get your panties in a twist.” 

“Leave her alone, Facebook. Don’t overreact. I was only teasing, anyway.” YouTube said, shrugging the girl’s arms off his shoulders.

Yahoo had to fight the urge to to cover her reddening face and run as the camera was dropped from pointing in her direction.

Google merely chuckled, flicking up the slipping glasses on Yahoo’s nose. “Don’t worry about it. YouTube is just having a bit of fun.” 

“Well, Google, if you wanna have some fun too I heard of a really great party happening tonight-” Facebook was cut off by a smooth decline from Google.

“No thank you, Facebook. I have previous engagements.” 

“You’re such a slag, Facebook,” YouTube sneered.

“You’re such a British wanna be, YouTube!” Facebook screeched, following the young teen away to the social side of the office.

After giving an awkward chuckle, Yahoo cleared her throat and arranged papers on her desk that clearly didn’t need rearranging. “So. Um. Previous engagements? That sounds fun.” Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Smooth, Yahoo. 

Google gave a half grin, his lips quirking up to the side. “Well,” he began, ruffling his shaggy hair, “I was hoping I’d be busy on a date tonight.”

Oh. Oh. “That… Sounds like fun. I hope you have a good time.” Yahoo said, giving a half-hearted grin.

Google’s eyes glinted with something Yahoo didn’t comprehend. “I will, if she says yes.”

“Who?” It was probably Twitter. She was so cute and always had the latest new to talk about and-

“You, beautiful.” Oh. Oh. Brain overload. 

“Yahoo?” 

“Yahoo, is that a no?”

REBOOT REBOOT QUICK. “NO! No, I mean, it’s not a no, definitely not a no.” Yahoo sucked in a nervous breath, letting it out on a slow and breathy laugh. “I mean no, that’s definitely a yes.” 

Google’s eyes brightened, adjusting his tie a bit as if he were… Proud? “Great. That’s really… Great.”

I literally hate every one of you.

We have entered a whole new realm of strange

sweet lord in heaven give me more

I step away for TWO SECONDS and y’all are shipping search engines and stuff…the real question is….WHERE CAN I GET MORE?!

IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER

bemusedlybespectacled:

theprettiestman:

freyjas:

middletone:

nerdjosh42:

suicidallyreckless:

paranaturalcy:

captiansideways:

theunstableamericanempire:

orcasex:

what if Earth was like “i’m done” and flew into the sun 

#Jupiter would come save it.

are we really shipping planets now

Pluto is their love child

#no actually #mars is their child #and pluto is adopted #but after a while pluto was like ‘FATHER I CAN DO IT #I AM BIG ENOUGH TO BE A PLANET’ #and the Earth went #’Pluto no’ #so it let go and stopped being a part of the solar system

When they were young, Earth had told both his sons that they were to be planets of the Milky Way. However, as the years progressed it became more and more apparent that Earth favored Pluto’s brother, Mars. Pluto recognized that he was quite small for a planet; that because of this he perhaps did not shine as brightly nor garner as much attention as his brother. However, Pluto could not understand why these things should diminish his standing in their father’s eyes. Mars may have his boldness of color and the ability to command the Martian storms, but Pluto had the subtle fierceness of ice and was able to travel farther in the solar system than any other planet with ease. ‘Surely these are favorable aspects’, thought Pluto. ‘Abilities that Father will take notice of and serve as a reason to offer praise.’

This proves not to be so.

Despite the very best of his efforts, Pluto cannot seem to gain Earth’s approval. Their Father sees fit to send mission after mission to Mars, seemly never growing tired of seeing the many facets and attributes of Earth’s brightest son. So much devotion to brother Mars, and yet Pluto can not seem to convince Earth to even consider sending his youngest son one of his coveted missions. Pluto began to grow restless. ‘Why am I denied Father’s interest while my brother basks in it?’ Pluto asked himself. ‘This does not make sense! Something is amiss…’

Thus he begins to question his Father’s actions.

This is how Pluto discovers the truth: He is not a planet, but rather a child of the frozen wastes known as the Kuiper belt. At first Pluto rallies against this title; he was raised a planet of the great Milky Way! Surely his upbringing at his Father’s hand gives him right to bear the title he has carried since he was but a babe. Surely he is just as worthy of this privilege as his brother. Surely. Pluto just had to make his Father SEE!

It is not meant to be.

Pluto can see this now. It is a truth written as clearly amongst the stars as upon his faces of both Earth and the forever beloved Mars. Yet, as Pluto feels his life as he has known it slip beneath his fingers, he cannot keep himself from looking into his Father’s eyes and offering one last attempt at garnering his favor…

I’M SO FUCKING DONE WITH THIS FANDOM

At first the gifs weren’t loading so I kept reading and thought “this is suspiciously like Loki omg that would be so cool I mean Pluto’s really cold and they even pointed that out and OMIGOD IT IS LOKI OMIGOD OLKI BB COME HERE”

DYING

DYING

bemusedlybespectacled:

thegirlwhobloggedlikeaman:

andlatitude:

So I wrote a little bit of fic to go along with that last Sabriel coffee shop!AU drawing.

Please be gentle with me, I’m not a writer.

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Perfection, thy name is andlatitude

what is this perfection

bemusedlybespectacled:

dudeufugly:

ohmydearholmes:

aherocalledphil:

penandpage:

dangling-thpider:

And John remains blissfully unaware that The Doctor visited Sherlock years ago and gave him the skull. It was a skull he’d discovered in a ruined church, a thousand years in the future. He couldn’t re-bury it in the grave it came from, because that was completely destroyed, so he took it and gave it to a young Sherlock. 

‘This will keep you company until you meet him,’ the Doctor said with a smile.

Sherlock took the skull and immediately began examining it. ‘Who is it? Or rather, who was it?’

‘It’s all that’s left of an old man who lived a good life and became the most important person in yours’.

The Doctor never gave him the name he so desperately wanted, but as soon as he met John Watson on that fateful day in St. Bart’s, Sherlock knew.

After John ran off to see to Mrs. Hudson, before Molly walked through the lab on her way home, the familiar sound of the TARDIS landing interrupted Sherlock’s frantic puzzling. As the Doctor stepped out into St. Bart’s Hospital, his grave expression caused Sherlock’s rising plea for help to die in his throat.

“I’m so, so sorry,” said the Doctor.

“You could not-?”

“No. This, what’s about to happen, it’s a fixed point in time. You have to die.”

“So then why are you here?” scoffed Sherlock. “Come to grant a condemned man’s last… Oh.”

“Yes,” replied the Doctor calmly. “Anywhere in space and time. Is there anything you want to see?”

 Sherlock considered. “I’d like to see John again,” he said at last. “Please, Doctor?”

The Doctor didn’t appear surprised by this request. “Of course,” he answered. “But you must understand, you can’t talk to him. He can’t see you.”

“Yes,” Sherlock appeared resigned. “I know.”

_______

Sherlock stepped out of the TARDIS into a familiar graveyard. The Doctor joined him, and indicated the corner of the crypt they were standing next to. “Make sure you stay out of sight,” was all he said.

Sherlock cautiously peered around the corner, and spotted John and Mrs. Hudson, a little ways off, standing in front of a fresh grave. His grave, he realized. Almost as soon as he saw them, Mrs. Hudson started walking away towards a waiting car, leaving John looking lost by the grave. John started talking, and Sherlock realized that he was close enough to listen.

He’d never imagined John cared this much. He wanted so badly to run to him, grab him, cry “It’s okay, John, I’m not dead, I’m here!” but he couldn’t. As the broken soldier strode away, Sherlock found he couldn’t even bring himself to cry.

He returned to where the Doctor waited, pity filling his eyes. “Thank you, Doctor,” Sherlock said, voice even as ever. “I’m ready to return now.”

In his heart, Sherlock resolved to talk to John again before he died, to say whatever he must to prevent what he’d just seen. He would convince John that Sherlock Holmes, Consulting Detective had been no more than a con and that John, like the rest, had been played.

Surely then John could be happy without him.

NO!

WHY

wishingforacat:

because AO3 is a pain without an account. This post will be updated regularly.

Complete:

  1. We Spent Our Darkest Days Howling at the Moon Loki/Thor
  2. Magic Isn’t The Answer To Everything (Only Some Things) Loki/Tony Stark
  3. We Could Have Had It All Tom Hiddleston Loki
  4. Drop It Doe Eyes Chris Hemsworth/Tom Hiddleston
  5. Ophelia Dreams Loki/Tony Stark
  6. Cardiomyopathy Harry Potter/Voldermort
  7. Sweet Dreams, Sweet Cheeks Chris Hemsworth/Tom Hiddleston
  8. Flight Chris Hemsworth/Tom Hiddleston Loki/Thor
  9. Deeds (or To Be Worthy) Loki/Tony Stark
  10. Some Nights Loki/Darcy Lewis
  11. Don’t Go Telling Everybody Phil Coulson/Darcy Lewis
  12. 5 Things About Darcy’s Illustrious College Career Darcy Lewis
  13. Normal Clint Barton/Darcy Lewis
  14. If There Was Nowhere To Land Bruce Banner/Darcy Lewis
  15. Captain America: Craft Avenger Steve Rogers
  16. I Totally Know CPR Darcy Lewis The Avengers
  17. Good To Be Home Darcy Lewis
  18. Sex Without Love Darcy Lewis/The Avengers
  19. The Ones Worth Telling Clint Barton/Phil Coulson Jarvis/Natasha Romanov
  20. User Interface Jarvis/Darcy Lewis
  21. All The Basic Bitches Darcy Lewis/Clint Barton
  22. Apples Falling All Around You Darcy Lewis/Bruce Banner
  23. Life As A Tree House Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Clint Barton/Phil Coulson Jane Foster/Thor
  24. The Minion Of Purposeful Mischief Darcy Lewis/Bruce Banner
  25. A Strange New World Steve Rogers/Darcy Lewis

On-going:

  1. So No One Told You Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Loki/Thor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov and a bunch of other pairings
  2. Blame It On The Vodka Loki/Darcy Lewis
  3. Out Of The Handbook: The Unofficial Official Rules And Regulations Of SHIELD HQ
  4. Helheim Is Nice This Time Of Year Darcy Lewis
  5. Revelations Loki/Thor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
  6. Suffer The Children Loki/Others Loki/Thor Loki/Angrboda Loki/Sigyn
  7. The Kindness Of Strangers 
  8. Adventures In Food Loki/Tony Stark
  9. Self-Abuse Loki/Tony Stark Loki/Loki/Loki
  10. All The Way Down Loki/Tony Stark
  11. A Beautiful Lie Loki/Tony Stark Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov Castiel/Dean Winchester Jane Foster/Thor Sam Winchester/Steve Rogers
  12. Who Knew Loki/Tony Stark Jane Foster/Thor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov
  13. Roses Of Picardy Jim Nicholls/Jamie Stewart
  14. Shades Of Grey Loki/Thor Loki/Tony Stark
  15. Yggdrasil Loki/Tony Stark
  16. A Good Garden May Have Some Weeds Loki/Tony Stark
  17. Baby Steps Loki/Thor
  18. Brothers Loki/Tony Stark
  19. Intervention Loki Tony Stark Thor Steve Rogers Bruce Banner
  20. The Avengers vs. The Fourth Wall Tom Hiddleston Tony Stark Bruce Banner Thor Steve Rogers Natasha Romanov Clint Barton Joss Whedon
  21. Of Foul Angels And Better Friends Loki/Tony Stark
  22. A Thousand Gestures Chris Hemsworth/Tom Hiddleston
  23. Another French Mistake Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Tom Hiddleston/Thor
  24. Disciple Darcy Lewis/Loki
  25. Living In A Comic Book World Darcy Lewis
  26. Tree House Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Clint Barton/Phil Coulson Jane Foster/Thor
  27. Every Creature Big And Small Steve Rogers/Thor
  28. The Sweetness At The Bottom Of The Pie Clint Barton/Darcy Lewis
  29. Insomnia At Its Finest Darcy Lewis/Clint Barton
  30. Sunshine In The Rain Darcy Lewis/Natasha Romanov
  31. In The Lurch Darcy Lewis
  32. Tony’s New Assistant Loki Tony Stark Darcy Lewis
  33. HEART Clint Barton/Loki Jane Foster/Thor
  34. In These Small Hours The Avengers
  35. The Adventures Of Darcy And Loki, Mischief Makers Loki Darcy Lewis
  36. Five Minutes Longer Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers
  37. What To Expect When You Never Planned On Expecting Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers
  38. Five Times Darcy Hangs Out With A Bedridden Avenger (And One Time She Didn’t) Darcy Lewis The Avengers
  39. Apropos Of Nothing Tony Stark/Phil Coulson
  40. Smile Like You Mean It Loki/Tony Stark Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov Pepper Potts/Steve Rogers
  41. Dear Avengers Loki trolling the Avengers
  42. Her Story, And Everyone Else’s Darcy Lewis/Peter Parker 
  43. Chance Meetings Darcy Lewis/The Avengers
  44. The Avengers’ Do Not List Or Never Do Again List

(via bemusedlybespectacled)