tips for new freshmen!
- no one cares about anything
- walk on the right side of the fucking hallway
- dont sit in the back of...
ok so once upon a time twentysome-thing prompted me lady ballerinas sid and gena and then i yelled at her and then i wrote 1k of it in 20 minutes...
i don’t read “uwu” as a smiley face in my head i read it as “ooo woo”
- the prostate gland is next too the anal cavity. It is not inside of the anal cavity. Thus when you are thrusting, you cannot directly hit it every time like in whatever ‘we’ve never had sex before but we are both amazing at it’ fic you are reading and/or writing. Penetrative anal sex indirectly stimulates the prostate. The only way you directly simulate it is with fingers and/or tongue, not with a dick or a toy.
- I have included a helpful graphic.
- thanks to wikipedia for the original image
- thank you for your time.
OKAY, ONE MORE TIME, PEOPLE, SAY IT WITH ME:
The prostate is not a “bundle of nerves.” It is a gland. Continuous stimulation of it can cause nice lovely pleasurable feelings for some men. Just touching it once will not generally cause lovely instant pleasurable feelings the same way a clitoris (usually) does.
There are some nerve endings of course, but there are nerve endings all over the shop back there, and that’s not really what specifically makes prostate stimulation funtimes. Calling it a “bundle of nerves” is really, actually, not at all an accurate description.
First: welcome! Or for some of you, welcome back (hahaha, god why are we like this?).
So, Trek canon. It’s expansive and extensive and there’s the original series (TOS) and the movies and then the subsequent series and then the reboot (AOS) timestream and that’s a lot of shit to manage and a lot of history to navigate. The good news is: you are totally fine ignoring ALLLLLLLL of that other shit and just writing whatever the fuck you want to write. But, if you’re like me, you’re insane, and having been through this already, I thought I would offer you my handy link round-up!
Things Waldorph Finds Useful When Writing a Bazillion Trekfics:
- Warp Drive Calculator. I know it always seems like people are whizzing around, going from Earth to Vulcan in seconds, but this gives you a sense of how long things will actually take. The movies do a lot of hand-waving with this, but it’s good to know. This one has a “Classic” option. Granted, the appearance of Nero probably accelerated tech quite a bit, and Spock!prime certainly did, so you have a lot of wiggle-room here (especially given that it should have taken the Enterprise almost 2 weeks to get to Vulcan, and I’m pretty sure they were there in 6 hours, tops). This chart is also super-handy.
- Star Trek Distances tells you how far away things are from Earth so that you can use the Warp Drive Calculator more easily without digging through memory-alpha.
- Memory-alpha. This is the canon wiki for Trek, and excludes all of the novelizations and add-ons. This is your home base, it has everything you could possibly want as well as external links.
- Memory-beta. This includes all of the novelizations, and sometimes gives you interesting facts like in TOS Winona Kirk gave birth to Jim Kirk after tripping over a pig. It also includes more of the behind-the-scenes facts and data from cut scenes and cast/crew interviews
- Stardates. The Trek universe measures time in stardates, which is nicely non-Earth specific until you realize the calculations are all based on Earth. Anyway, trekguide has both the mathematical breakdown and a calculator. They also explain how the AOS verse calculates stardates the same way the TOS verse did, so you can use their calculator without worrying you’re cocking something up (that might just be me, though).
- micathemineral’s astrophysics guide for trekwriters - easy to understand but super-helpful.
- trekguide has all of the episodes of all of the series, and lists the races involved, the stardate, ships, and some character-notes. Actually extremely handy if you’re AU’ing a TOS episode.
- But, waldorph! Where are all the ladies? No fear! The LJ comm where-no-woman laid out all of the women we see in STXI (and will hopefully be doing the same for this movie).
So yay! You’ve gotten all your resources and your inner-geek is satisfied and you’ve written your fic. Now what? Well, that depends on where you’re posting to. Those of you who post to tumblr, you can ignore this bit! I’m also not going to list EVERY comm here - these are the biggies and they all have links in their user-info to their affiliates. I write Kirk/Spock so I’m giving you the two I use :)
LJ Comms To Post Your Fic To (you can find dreamwidth counterparts for most of these, I just happen to use LJ comms):
- where-no-woman is an LJ comm and the place for all your lady-centric fic. It can be gen, het, femmeslash, but the main character has to be female-identified and, as of right now, it can’t be a genderfuck (so Jane Kirk fics need not apply).
- kirkspock is an LJ comm for that pairing. note: these guys are super-serious about tagging
- kirk-mccoy is a LJ comm for kirk/mccoy (I know, I’m rocking your worlds with these explanations). It
- trek-het (and it’s dreamwidth mirror) is for all your het needs.
- st_reboot is a LJ comm that collects both fic and art, regardless of pairing.
Okay, you don’t want to write, but you do want to read. Or you read a fic ages ago and you’re not sure where it went.
How To Find the Fic You Want to Read:
- st_ficfinder comm on LJ. Read it, want to read it - these guys are AMAZING at finding the fic you mean from really super-vague details.
- star trek (2009) tag (or the Star Trek Alternate Original Series tag) on the AO3 lets you sort by popularity of a fic, pairing, date posted, all that jazz, and is probably the most centralized place to find fics, though when STXI came out not everyone had an AO3 account so there’s a lot of inconsistency about what’s posted where, but that’s life in fandom, so you’re not allowed to complain, okay?
- the ksarchive is an old-school kirk/spock archive. You’ll find some AOS but a lot of TOS fic here, and it’s pretty cool.
- Any of the comms listed above are great places to find fic and/or recs
- crack-enterprise - recs recs recs!
I hope this helps! I’ll probably reblog myself when we get closer to release date, and if you have any questions at all drop me an ask or find me on twitter @waldorph. I also have all the resource links rounded up at my pinboard here, so you can bookmark that if it’s more convenient. So. Go forth, read, write, enjoy, and welcome to the fandom!
portraits of old presidents constantly talk to / advise / argue with the current one
and it’s a mess
a beautiful beautiful mess
LOL OMG AND JAMES BUCHANAN WOULD BE LIKE, “FUCK ALL YOU GUYS, WILLIAM AND I WERE FUCKING HAPPY.” And Abraham Lincoln would never, ever be in his Portrait because, fuck, he hates all these people, he was just trying to see a PLAY and no one will ever tell him how it ended. And Teddy Roosevelt would be like, “Show me that Night in the Museum movie again. Those bastards.”
Once a month, Garfield, McKinley, JFK, and Lincoln hold a special meeting for the Assassinated Club. It’s twice as popular as Clinton and Andrew Johnson’s Impeachment Club because, who wants to hang out with those guys? (“I HAD A MOTHERFUCKING RIGHT TO FIRE HIM,” Johnson screams while Clinton nods seriously and rubs his shoulder gently. “WHO THOUGHT UP THIS TENURE OF OFFICE BULLSHIT?” Grant just smokes a cigar and laughs his ass off from his frame.)
Jak, your history buffness is showing. Should totally throw this at Sin at the nearest opportunity.
I was just talking about how Rutherford B Hayes would be the President with the stash of booze in his frame. “Lemonade Lucy ain’t around now, y’all.” And, like, all the stuffy old Federalists would throw their cares to the wind and be, like, doing the Funky Chicken in his frame all the time.
Millard Fillmore would be that girl from Mean Girls where he just wants everyone to get along and bake cakes and eventually, Jimmy Carter would be like, “HE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE.” And they’d have a debate over whether he actually counts as a President if no one remembers him.
There would be dick measuring contests. Andrew Johnson would be like, “Alaska, bitches” and Lincoln would be like, “I was dead and even I know Seward was behind that.” And Jefferson would stop
flirtingyelling with Adams long enough to be like, “THE LOUISIANA PURCHASE, MOTHER FUCKERSSSSS.”
Franklin Pierce sits in the corner and cries. Zachary Taylor tells him to stop being a baby. Franklin Pierce reminds Zachary Taylor that he was hated for most of his life and he’s not going to take any shit from a guy who was killed by milk and fucking cherries.
TOS Kirk especially should sound quite different from Reboot Kirk
Yes yes YES YES
I read somewhere that Kirk’s voice is the only one that stays the same from TOS to Reboot, and no. Just no. Bones’ voice changes the least, I think, but Jim’s voice changes the most. Damn people who think TOS Jim was the brawny-womanizing-jetsetter that nu!Jim was written to be (and I hope XII fixes that anyway).
CHRIST, just hearing that shit secondhand made me viscerally angry! Who the hell… what kind of pancake-headed wifflesnort could claim that with a straight face? (Yes, I had to invent a new insult to express the depths of my rage. Screaming a chant to awaken Cthulu would be better, but I don’t speak R’lyehian.)
And I totally agree with you. Bones stays almost the same (probably because his life is the same, as far as we know), Spock changes quite a bit (he’s much more strung out/overtly angsty and emotional in Reboot for some unknown reason), and Jim changes A LOT. Like, he’s barely the same person for a significant portion of the movie.
Besides, their POVs should have distinctly different “flavors,” if for no other reason than the source material stems from disparate eras in history, and the grammar/syntax/diction of the dialogue reflects this. So for accuracy’s sake, sometimes TOS!Kirk has to sound a little old-fashioned. It would be downright friggin’ strange if he said things like “that’s so weird,” “are you nuts” or “you guys.”
You know what REALLY gets confusing? Reading a fic where Kirk uses strong language like “shit” and “fuck” and finding out it’s a TOS fic. From the 1980’s
((The links to the first three parts of this can be found here: http://scifigrl47.tumblr.com/fic ))
It was close to midnight when they finally stumbled home.
Stumbling was probably the right word for it, Thor was pretty much carrying Bruce and Steve was trying to be subtle about the grip he had on the back of Tony’s black underarmor shirt. Clint was accustomed to using Natasha to prop himself up, but tonight, she was leaning heavily against his side, her head down, her shoulders hunched beneath his arm.
“This is great,” Tony said, and his voice was slurred at the edges, a little drunk or a little head injury, it was hard to say with Tony sometimes. He didn’t seem to understand why his feet weren’t moving towards his workshop, no matter how hard he tried. “I can reverse engineer this, it’ll be great, I think I can figure out the command module if I have a couple of hours to break through the coding and-”
Steve gave up on pretense and snagged Tony’s shoulders in both his hands. “Okay,” he said, his voice holding a note that made it clear that he was humoring Tony’s delusions. “Tony, you need to sleep now. Right now, you need to sleep.” The words were very careful, very precise, and Clint wasn’t sure if that was for his own benefit, or Tony’s. “We’re going to go to bed.” He stopped, shook his head. “We are going to our beds. You are going to bed. And so am I.” His cheeks were flushed, and Clint started to laugh.
Tony nodded. “Yeah, sure, no problem, I should be able to get what I need done if I can just-”
“Go to bed, Stark,” Natasha said, not bothering to lift her head from Clint’s shoulder. She was gripping the front of his uniform vest with one determined hand, and Clint wrapped his arm more securely around her back.
Oh, Clint. Clint sweetie. Honey, it’s OK. *all the cuddles*
what if Earth was like “i’m done” and flew into the sun
are we really shipping planets now
Pluto is their love child
#no actually #mars is their child #and pluto is adopted #but after a while pluto was like ‘FATHER I CAN DO IT #I AM BIG ENOUGH TO BE A PLANET’ #and the Earth went #’Pluto no’ #so it let go and stopped being a part of the solar system
When they were young, Earth had told both his sons that they were to be planets of the Milky Way. However, as the years progressed it became more and more apparent that Earth favored Pluto’s brother, Mars. Pluto recognized that he was quite small for a planet; that because of this he perhaps did not shine as brightly nor garner as much attention as his brother. However, Pluto could not understand why these things should diminish his standing in their father’s eyes. Mars may have his boldness of color and the ability to command the Martian storms, but Pluto had the subtle fierceness of ice and was able to travel farther in the solar system than any other planet with ease. ‘Surely these are favorable aspects’, thought Pluto. ‘Abilities that Father will take notice of and serve as a reason to offer praise.’
This proves not to be so.
Despite the very best of his efforts, Pluto cannot seem to gain Earth’s approval. Their Father sees fit to send mission after mission to Mars, seemly never growing tired of seeing the many facets and attributes of Earth’s brightest son. So much devotion to brother Mars, and yet Pluto can not seem to convince Earth to even consider sending his youngest son one of his coveted missions. Pluto began to grow restless. ‘Why am I denied Father’s interest while my brother basks in it?’ Pluto asked himself. ‘This does not make sense! Something is amiss…’
Thus he begins to question his Father’s actions.
This is how Pluto discovers the truth: He is not a planet, but rather a child of the frozen wastes known as the Kuiper belt. At first Pluto rallies against this title; he was raised a planet of the great Milky Way! Surely his upbringing at his Father’s hand gives him right to bear the title he has carried since he was but a babe. Surely he is just as worthy of this privilege as his brother. Surely. Pluto just had to make his Father SEE!
It is not meant to be.
Pluto can see this now. It is a truth written as clearly amongst the stars as upon his faces of both Earth and the forever beloved Mars. Yet, as Pluto feels his life as he has known it slip beneath his fingers, he cannot keep himself from looking into his Father’s eyes and offering one last attempt at garnering his favor…
I’M SO FUCKING DONE WITH THIS FANDOM
At first the gifs weren’t loading so I kept reading and thought “this is suspiciously like Loki omg that would be so cool I mean Pluto’s really cold and they even pointed that out and OMIGOD IT IS LOKI OMIGOD OLKI BB COME HERE”
because AO3 is a pain without an account. This post will be updated regularly.
- We Spent Our Darkest Days Howling at the Moon Loki/Thor
- Magic Isn’t The Answer To Everything (Only Some Things) Loki/Tony Stark
- We Could Have Had It All Tom Hiddleston Loki
- Drop It Doe Eyes Chris Hemsworth/Tom Hiddleston
- Ophelia Dreams Loki/Tony Stark
- Cardiomyopathy Harry Potter/Voldermort
- Sweet Dreams, Sweet Cheeks Chris Hemsworth/Tom Hiddleston
- Flight Chris Hemsworth/Tom Hiddleston Loki/Thor
- Deeds (or To Be Worthy) Loki/Tony Stark
- Some Nights Loki/Darcy Lewis
- Don’t Go Telling Everybody Phil Coulson/Darcy Lewis
- 5 Things About Darcy’s Illustrious College Career Darcy Lewis
- Normal Clint Barton/Darcy Lewis
- If There Was Nowhere To Land Bruce Banner/Darcy Lewis
- Captain America: Craft Avenger Steve Rogers
- I Totally Know CPR Darcy Lewis The Avengers
- Good To Be Home Darcy Lewis
- Sex Without Love Darcy Lewis/The Avengers
- The Ones Worth Telling Clint Barton/Phil Coulson Jarvis/Natasha Romanov
- User Interface Jarvis/Darcy Lewis
- All The Basic Bitches Darcy Lewis/Clint Barton
- Apples Falling All Around You Darcy Lewis/Bruce Banner
- Life As A Tree House Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Clint Barton/Phil Coulson Jane Foster/Thor
- The Minion Of Purposeful Mischief Darcy Lewis/Bruce Banner
- A Strange New World Steve Rogers/Darcy Lewis
- So No One Told You Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Loki/Thor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov and a bunch of other pairings
- Blame It On The Vodka Loki/Darcy Lewis
- Out Of The Handbook: The Unofficial Official Rules And Regulations Of SHIELD HQ
- Helheim Is Nice This Time Of Year Darcy Lewis
- Revelations Loki/Thor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
- Suffer The Children Loki/Others Loki/Thor Loki/Angrboda Loki/Sigyn
- The Kindness Of Strangers
- Adventures In Food Loki/Tony Stark
- Self-Abuse Loki/Tony Stark Loki/Loki/Loki
- All The Way Down Loki/Tony Stark
- A Beautiful Lie Loki/Tony Stark Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov Castiel/Dean Winchester Jane Foster/Thor Sam Winchester/Steve Rogers
- Who Knew Loki/Tony Stark Jane Foster/Thor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov
- Roses Of Picardy Jim Nicholls/Jamie Stewart
- Shades Of Grey Loki/Thor Loki/Tony Stark
- Yggdrasil Loki/Tony Stark
- A Good Garden May Have Some Weeds Loki/Tony Stark
- Baby Steps Loki/Thor
- Brothers Loki/Tony Stark
- Intervention Loki Tony Stark Thor Steve Rogers Bruce Banner
- The Avengers vs. The Fourth Wall Tom Hiddleston Tony Stark Bruce Banner Thor Steve Rogers Natasha Romanov Clint Barton Joss Whedon
- Of Foul Angels And Better Friends Loki/Tony Stark
- A Thousand Gestures Chris Hemsworth/Tom Hiddleston
- Another French Mistake Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Tom Hiddleston/Thor
- Disciple Darcy Lewis/Loki
- Living In A Comic Book World Darcy Lewis
- Tree House Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Clint Barton/Phil Coulson Jane Foster/Thor
- Every Creature Big And Small Steve Rogers/Thor
- The Sweetness At The Bottom Of The Pie Clint Barton/Darcy Lewis
- Insomnia At Its Finest Darcy Lewis/Clint Barton
- Sunshine In The Rain Darcy Lewis/Natasha Romanov
- In The Lurch Darcy Lewis
- Tony’s New Assistant Loki Tony Stark Darcy Lewis
- HEART Clint Barton/Loki Jane Foster/Thor
- In These Small Hours The Avengers
- The Adventures Of Darcy And Loki, Mischief Makers Loki Darcy Lewis
- Five Minutes Longer Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers
- What To Expect When You Never Planned On Expecting Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers
- Five Times Darcy Hangs Out With A Bedridden Avenger (And One Time She Didn’t) Darcy Lewis The Avengers
- Apropos Of Nothing Tony Stark/Phil Coulson
- Smile Like You Mean It Loki/Tony Stark Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov Pepper Potts/Steve Rogers
- Dear Avengers Loki trolling the Avengers
- Her Story, And Everyone Else’s Darcy Lewis/Peter Parker
- Chance Meetings Darcy Lewis/The Avengers
- The Avengers’ Do Not List Or Never Do Again List