portraits of old presidents constantly talk to / advise / argue with the current one
and it’s a mess
a beautiful beautiful mess
LOL OMG AND JAMES BUCHANAN WOULD BE LIKE, “FUCK ALL YOU GUYS, WILLIAM AND I WERE FUCKING HAPPY.” And Abraham Lincoln would never, ever be in his Portrait because, fuck, he hates all these people, he was just trying to see a PLAY and no one will ever tell him how it ended. And Teddy Roosevelt would be like, “Show me that Night in the Museum movie again. Those bastards.”
Once a month, Garfield, McKinley, JFK, and Lincoln hold a special meeting for the Assassinated Club. It’s twice as popular as Clinton and Andrew Johnson’s Impeachment Club because, who wants to hang out with those guys? (“I HAD A MOTHERFUCKING RIGHT TO FIRE HIM,” Johnson screams while Clinton nods seriously and rubs his shoulder gently. “WHO THOUGHT UP THIS TENURE OF OFFICE BULLSHIT?” Grant just smokes a cigar and laughs his ass off from his frame.)
Jak, your history buffness is showing. Should totally throw this at Sin at the nearest opportunity.
I was just talking about how Rutherford B Hayes would be the President with the stash of booze in his frame. “Lemonade Lucy ain’t around now, y’all.” And, like, all the stuffy old Federalists would throw their cares to the wind and be, like, doing the Funky Chicken in his frame all the time.
Millard Fillmore would be that girl from Mean Girls where he just wants everyone to get along and bake cakes and eventually, Jimmy Carter would be like, “HE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE.” And they’d have a debate over whether he actually counts as a President if no one remembers him.
There would be dick measuring contests. Andrew Johnson would be like, “Alaska, bitches” and Lincoln would be like, “I was dead and even I know Seward was behind that.” And Jefferson would stop
flirtingyelling with Adams long enough to be like, “THE LOUISIANA PURCHASE, MOTHER FUCKERSSSSS.”
Franklin Pierce sits in the corner and cries. Zachary Taylor tells him to stop being a baby. Franklin Pierce reminds Zachary Taylor that he was hated for most of his life and he’s not going to take any shit from a guy who was killed by milk and fucking cherries.
I know a kid from a tribal area that bikes several miles a day to go to school in Sana’a. His family have had drone aircraft hover over their homes. One day they could step in the capital city and come home to see their entire world shattered (literally) or worse a drone could strike their home while they’re inside. The only thing worse than instantly being killed is sustaining horrific injuries without any medical facilities nearby and succumbing to a slow, painful death. This is the sad reality that many Yemenis in the rural areas are forced to endure.
When we say we hate America, we don’t mean individual citizens. I wish Americans would step outside of their narcissism for a second to understand that the term ‘America’ is applied in a political sense here. We don’t wish harm on American people, because ultimately they’re not the ones responsible for what were forced to go through. We mean the imperialism, the militarism, the warfare that’s attached to America, the forced destabilization of our country, the dwindling economy, the rampant distrust of the West which therein festers into a vulnerability that’s turned most of these newer ‘militants’ onto the idea of terrorism. It’s a vicious cycle, you see. The more innocent people killed, the increase in extremist activity, which justifies even more drone strikes and it eventually will snowball into unforeseen chaos.
Of course the individual American isn’t responsible for this, but citizens of the U.S. need to understand that it’s their tax dollars that fund this weaponry. It’s their supposed protection that’s being protected at the cost of our lives, livelihoods, stability and economical comfort. Whether or not Americans like, they are inevitably a part of this killing machine and not directly lobbying, protesting and holding their government accountable is complicity. It’s the allowance of our deaths.